Frequently Asked Questions
Q. I have the handout of Feeling Words, but am not able to make the connection for how allowing the emotions to expand will manifest into a healthy life style.
A. Concerning feelings and the “Feeling Word Chart” (may be downloaded on the download page): Being able to accurately identify and express our true feelings about any given situation allows us to acknowledge and express how life’s events effect us. Those of us who function primarily from our intellect often are in denial of what we experience from moment to moment. We tend to go from one thing to the next, hardly noticing our experience in the moment. We tend to spend much of our time living in a world with no feelings or color only external excitement. We are waiting and looking for the next thing that sounds interesting or stimulating the intellect, never realizing a full life is passing us by.
Feelings and emotions are part of the heart's experience. When we are able to identify our feelings we are allowing our heart to become more active, and responsive. It may feel awkward at first, but I invite you to give it a try and see what you notice about yourself.
Identifying our feelings is only the launch pad for living from the heart. From there we go to the image maker and learn to share our LIFE with others.
Q. What’s wrong with living from our intellect?
A. Great question! As an educated engineer I was proud of my intellectual skills. Dealing with my heart was very uncomfortable and I didn’t know how be available for those who were in their heart, i.e. my wife and daughters. I had no tools to fix them and when I offered my engineering wisdom… it didn’t land well. I remember the day I came home from work to an upset wife who’d had a hard day. The washing machine broke (in the middle if a washing load), the kids were driving her “out of her mind”, the house was dirty and supper was late. I said there, there I can fix the washing machine in a jiffy. Then she said the most disheartening thing I ever heard: “I DON’T WANT YOU TO FIX IT! I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO ME!” To say I don’t want you to fix it to an engineer should be illegal. That’s what I do – fix broken things. I was left with wounded pride, and hurt wife and no idea what to do. I had no skills to stop problem solving and listen in a way that brought peace and calm. Oh, and while I’m at it never tell your wife to “stop crying”.
Since then I have learned she just wants me to be with her and stay with her, to hold her and listen, let her pour out the difficulties she experienced. When I do that now, empathizing with her, she feels heard, loved, understood and is able to move on knowing some one cares enough to just BE there.
Living primarily for the intellect does not give you access to what is needed when people are hurting. That only comes from the heart. She knows when my response originates from my heart, I can’t fake it.
Q. Are you saying we don’t need our intellect?
A. No, I’m not saying that at all, however most of us have been trained from an early age that the intellect is more important than our heart. Many believe the heart is fickle and cannot be trusted. They may be afraid of feelings and avoid talking about how they feel. The fact is we were created with both a heart and an intellect. They were designed to work together. The problem is when we are out of balance we forfeit the ability to really experience life.
Q. Why is it so difficult to first reach my heart and then stay there?
A. 1. To live from the heart requires our intellect to sometimes take a back seat. However our intellect (analyzing, defining) believes it is smarter than the heart and fights to remain “in control”. Anyone who has tried to have a quiet time knows the battle of the heart/intellect.
2. We have learned from a very early age that the “BEST” way to conduct our life is to be organized, complete what we start (example: finish the book you started before starting another one; don’t try and do two or more projects at one; etc.), be in control of your circumstances, work hard, and have good and definable goals, etc. – then you will be successful.
3. We must allow time for our heart to speak/experience without interruption for a longer and longer time. Practice makes better. The more you access your heart, the deeper you feel, taste, see and enjoy the present moment.
The alternative ends like this epitaph… You get to choose.
FINISHED ON TIME, BELOW BUDGET – DIED ANYWAY…